joi, 12 aprilie 2012

It's just an illusion...

I see her sometimes and I watch as she looks trough me even though she looks into my eyes. She takes a smoke form her cigarette and then she kisses me like... like what? Like she's in another world, in the world that she would like, not in the one that others require her to be in. And never, nothing can detach her from the universe constructed by the heartbeats of her own heart, from the smiles that lovers, summer crushes or innocent kids lost in parks gave her. Who is she? ...It would be better if you ask me: what is she? ... She is warmth and coldness, angelic and diabolical, beauty and hideousness, humbleness and vanity, logical and irrational, abstract and reality... everything combined in a carnal and spiritual matter that compile into a human being . Ask her to look at you, and she will look through you, ask her to hate you and she will smile innocently imposing you to love her. Leave her and she will disappear forever, but then you would wish to see her at least one more time in your lifetime just to tell her that you were wrong. Still even if you find her you will realize without a doubt that she is dead and she will stay that way. Keep her with you and...nothing. She will never be yours like a year from another person's life can't be yours, the stars at billions of light-years away aren't part of the Milky Way and freedom isn't in the possesion of a convict sentenced to death.  
You can spend sleepless nights trying to unravel the mysteries that are well hidden underneath her sleeping eyelids, but you can only guess whats behind them, closed like a curtain over her soul. And even if the curtain rises every morning, you still have sometimes the feeling that what you find in her eyes is an act from a well directed piece of theater we all play in life. 

We don't want to reveal the essence of our souls, because,  just like in a magic trick, you are not amazed by it's secret, but of the illusion that is created beneath your eyes.
And she know that she's attracted by an illusion...  
                                                                            31st May 2009

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